Let them eat pie

Isn’t it simply beastly out there at the moment? I have not been out without long johns and two jumpers on for weeks! But the longer that the freeze grinds on, the more determined I am to sample all the mince pies I can. The climate cannot cancel this competition. Mince pie evaluation is one fixture that will stay resolutely on the calendar and no quantity of snow or students can stop it. These delectable pastry-based treats are a seasonal luxury, and I am willing to tramp through blizzards and across barricades to source the finest varieties.

Which takes me to the theme of this instalment: posh nosh, or privileged pies. This is because we were honoured at work to receive almond mince pies from Fortnum and Mason. They were brought in by a most generous biochemist in order to take part in the great evaluation. I am definitely in favour of pie at work. To this end I popped down to M&S the very next day for a box of their Truly indulgent all butter mince pies, which was the second contender for the upmarket crown.

Gold is the colour of choice for classy pie packaging

I really enjoyed carrying out this round of the evaluation at work (obviously during designated tea breaks, and not to the detriment of patient care) because it allowed for a full and frank discussion between the biochemists as to the relative merits of the pies on offer. I recommend mince pies as a suitable mid-morning snack for working people. The major drawback of this new approach was that there is no oven here. So the pies were eaten not at optimum temperature. In the spirit of a fair test the same conditions were given to each pie – cold, with a cup of tea, and at my desk.

Having been won over by an almond topped tart the other day; I had high hopes for F&M’s offering. I should point out that they do produce a range of different mince pies – including a chocolate one I am told! This particular concoction was billed as having a “crunchy almond lid” and “cognac batter”. The former was very much the case, and it was rather tasty too. But my attempt to extricate the pie from its tin ended in a crumby disaster. The lid proved just too crunchy for the rest of the pie and came off entirely. This lead me to try pushing the remainder out from underneath, and ended with me rather unceremoniously clawing scraps out of the container. It was an inelegant spectacle that did not befit the pretensions of the F&M label. Perhaps a knife and fork would have been appropriate (or even a butler to serve it). Traditionalists will be disappointed by this pie as it tastes very much of almonds, and the “cognac batter” is not like shortcrust pastry. The filling had a delightful hint of spice about it, but its consistency was more exciting. It was a 'minced-mincemeat'. The sultanas and raisins had been chopped into small pieces to give it a smoother texture. I am not of the opinion that this is really necessary, given the ease with which I can chomp through whole dried fruit, but it certainly added to the novelty of the pie.

Already falling apart

The M&S pie was the forth one I have tried from this particular grocers and all round middle class stalwart of a shop. It is also the top of the range, and perhaps best able to put up a fight against the Queen’s own pie. My first impression was brandy. It smelt of it, tasted of it, and almost exuded alcohol into the surroundings. It had a rounded bottom that I found rather attractive. Despite the wetness of the filling, this bottom was tough enough to remain unsoggy: a mark of fine pastry. It tasted buttery too. Rather unappetisingly there were small pieces of congealed fat on the top of the mincemeat inside. I can only presume that a thorough heating would allow this to melt and baste the filling.

Attractive glazed finish on top

It was quite tricky to pick a winner of this competition, and not just because I ate the pies on separate days. They both were really nice. My overall impression of F&M was truly delicious, but highly impractical. The M&S mainly tasted of booze. The winner is therefore F&M. Not just by Royal appointment, but now also winner of a heat of the great mince pie evaluation.

Enjoying the upper crust